


You and Me (I Can See Us Dying)

by TragicLove



Series: And Learn to Fly [5]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Confessions, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-18 21:32:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16127159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/pseuds/TragicLove
Summary: Maybe it was a nightmare after all, just the kind you actually had to live through.





	You and Me (I Can See Us Dying)

**Author's Note:**

> This part directly follows [Chase Down All My Demons](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16041251). Normally xhorizen's part would need to be read first, but this time it should be read after. 
> 
> Title from the song Don't Speak
> 
>  
> 
> The rest of the series, in order should be read before this:  
> Somewhere Only We Know*  
> The End of Everything  
> It's Time to Begin*  
> The Path to Heaven Runs Through Miles of Clouded Hell  
> It Started With a Whisper*  
> You Could Be My Drug  
> Always Second Guessing*  
> Chase Down All My Demons  
> (Links with a * are written by xhorizen)

This couldn’t be happening.

If she just kept telling herself that it wasn’t real, surely she would open her eyes and see that she’d been dreaming. Having a really bad nightmare, really. 

The phone rang from where she’d left it on the bathroom counter and she shook her head, reaching her hand out to grab it. She pressed the answer button and held it to the side of her head, murmuring a hello into the receiver.

“Hey beautiful,” Zac’s cheery voice boomed through the ear piece and she felt her face drop.

“Hey.”

“You ready to get on that plane in the morning? I miss you so much.”

“Yeah,” she squeezed her eyes shut again. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to go to Tulsa, or that she didn’t want to see Zac. It was just that she knew that after this time, there probably wouldn’t be another time. He’d hate her for the rest of their lives. “I miss you too.”

“You sound upset, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” she shifted her body, uncomfortable from sitting on the closed toilet lid, her legs not wanting to move to bring her anywhere else. “Just having a bad day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 _Yes._ “No.”

“Oooooookay,” his voice was hesitant, but she knew he wouldn’t press her. She held her breath, scared if she didn’t she’d start crying. “I’ll let you go, I just wanted to make sure you were ready for tomorrow. I’ll see you at the airport, noon, right?”

“Right, noon,” she tilted her head back, her eyes shut. She could picture his face and it made the fist around her heart tighten. 

“See you then babe, love you.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Love you too.”

She waited until she heard the click, telling her he’d hung up and she pressed the button, putting the phone back down on the counter. She was sure that unlike the last four times she’d sat in the same bathroom over the past twenty four hours doing the same thing, that when she lifted her arm, brought her hand into her line of vision, she’d be able to let out a sigh of relief. All of this stress and worrying would have been for absolutely nothing. She was sure of it. 

She let out a breath and lifted her hand, her eyes moving down towards the thin piece of plastic in her hand. She felt her face crumple and the fist that held her heart tightened again. It wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t going to go away - her life was about to change in more ways than she was ready to think about. Five weeks ago she was a virgin, and now, unless five pregnancy tests were all faulty, she was going to be a mother.

 

Natalie watched as the people ahead of her filed off of the plane. Typically she’d be tapping her foot, her bag held tightly in her hand, anxious to get off, through the airport and to baggage claim where she could jump into Zac’s waiting arms, kiss his face, tell him how much she’d missed him. But, now? Now she felt like she was marching to her death. She knew that before this weekend was over something - maybe everything - was going to change for her. She had no idea how she was going to explain this to him, it wasn’t as if she had some silly lack of judgement in Georgia, far away from him and their relationship. She’d gotten herself into this predicament with someone close - too close - to him, and it was going to break his heart in more ways than one. She didn’t know how to pick up the pieces, and she was sure that even if she did, he wasn’t going to let her. 

As baggage claim came into view, her heart sank further and further. She was considering turning around, running to the ticket counter and getting the next flight home when she saw his face. He was leaning up against a pillar, his arms crossed over his chest, one ankle crossed over the other. When he spotted her his face broke into a smile and he rushed to her, picking her up off her feet and swinging her around.

“I missed you,” he smiled, kissing her quickly as he placed her back on her feet. “God, I missed you.”

“Me too,” she smiled, but she knew it didn’t reach her eyes. 

“Good to have you back,” her stomach dropped when she heard his voice, her head turning to where Taylor was suddenly standing. They hadn’t spoken since the day after the mistake they’d made together, right before she’d gone back home, and she didn’t even know how to look at him, much less talk to him. She nodded quickly, before turning back to Zac.

“This is all I’ve got, we don’t have to wait for a bag.”

“Good, let’s go home,” he smiled, slipping his hand into hers and leading her out the sliding doors of the airport. She turned to look at Taylor and wasn’t all too surprised to see him watching her, a slightly confused look on his face. Her eyes met his and she frowned, shaking her head slightly. She knew she had to talk to him. He needed to know what was going on, even before Zac did. Her only problem was, she had no idea how to talk to either of them about this.

 

It was hugs and hello’s and a giant lunch with the entire Hanson clan once they’d reached the house. Everyone was so happy and boisterous that Natalie had almost forgotten about the bombshell she was carrying around inside of her. Almost, that is, until she caught Taylor’s eye across the table. 

She’d been doing her best not to look at him since she’d arrived. She didn’t know if she could take the weight of his gaze, or the guilt it made bubble up inside her, and she figured her best course of action was to pretend he wasn’t there. 

“Excuse me,” she said softly, pushing her chair back. “I have to use the restroom.”

She dropped her napkin down on the table and walked slowly out of the kitchen, stopping once she was out of view and leaning up against the wall. She could feel the world closing in on her and she didn’t know how to climb out of the hole she was falling into. Every time Zac leaned over and laid a kiss on her cheek, or squeezed her hand and smiled at her, she felt the stab of betrayal she had done to him course through her over and over again. _Stupid girl. Stupid, reckless, immature idiot._

Her thoughts were interrupted when she opened her eyes and Taylor was standing in front of her, his brow knitted, a look of confusion on his face again.

“You okay?” He spoke quietly.

“No,” she shook her head, dropping her gaze to the carpeted hallway floor between them.

“You’re not yourself, you barely ate in there, you’ve hardly said a word. You won't even look at me, look…” he shook his head, stepping a little closer to her. “I know we fucked up, Nat, but we have to get back to normal. You can’t be mad at me forever, you can’t hate me, I-“

“I don’t hate you,” she looked up at him again, shaking her head. “I don’t, it’s just…”

She covered her face with her hands, her stomach turning. She wasn’t sure if it was the baby that was growing inside her stomach, the little bit of food she’d eaten, or the knowing that she was going to be the reason a family was torn apart, but suddenly the only thing Natalie was sure of was that she was going to be sick.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, pushing herself off the wall and into the bathroom. She swung the door lightly behind her and dropped to her knees in front of the toilet just in time. 

Taylor’s hand on her back startled her as she retched everything she’d consumed in the past twenty four hours into the toilet bowl.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he soothed, rubbing her back gently. “Are you sick?”

“No,” she choked out in between heaves. 

“You seem pretty sick to me,” Taylor spoke softly, pulling her long hair over her shoulders.

Once Natalie was sure she wasn’t going to throw up anymore she grabbed the toilet paper, wiping her face and pulling herself to her feet. She flushed the toilet and walked to the sink, grabbing the mouthwash off the counter. Once she felt slightly confident about her breath, she turned to look at Taylor.

“I have to tell you something, and I need you to just stay calm and don’t yell at me.”

“What?” His face screwed up. “Why would I-“

“I’m pregnant, Taylor.”

She watched as his face went through a wide range of emotions, she could practically see the wheels turning inside of his head. Finally, once he’d figured it all out, he sank down, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“Pregnant?” He breathed, looking up at her. She nodded, leaning against the sink. “Are you sure?”

“I took five tests,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to believe it, so I just kept taking them.”

“And it’s-“

“Yours,” she finished for him. 

“Wow,” he leaned his elbows on his thighs, his fingertips pressed together. “So, what are we…you haven’t-“ he stood up suddenly, walking towards her. “Did you tell Zac?”

She shook her head no, her face falling again. _Zac._

“Oh God, Taylor,” she dropped her head, pressing her forehead against his chest. “How do I tell him? It’s going to kill him.”

Taylor wrapped his arms around her, slowly rubbing them up and down her back.

“We have to tell him, I don’t know how, but we have to.”

“Maybe,” she sighed, looking up at Taylor. “Maybe we don’t.”

“What?”

“We don’t have to…I mean-“ she shook her head, the first of the tears falling from her eyes. “We don’t have to have the baby, Tay. You have money, we can fix this…make it like it never happened.”

“No,” Taylor pushed her away gently, holding on to her shoulders. “No, you aren’t doing that, Natalie.”

“But-“

“No,” he said it low, through gritted teeth. “You are not killing _my baby_.”

“I just-“ she sighed, dropping her head into her hands. “You’re right. I know I can’t. I’m going to lose him, Tay. I don’t want to lose him.”

 

Natalie was on pins and needles the rest of the day. She knew she was in the Hanson family home, surrounded by people who she’d grown to love as family over the past couple of years, but it was almost like she wasn’t there at all. She couldn’t focus, she couldn’t think about anything except the fact that she was gearing up to break the heart of the only person who she had ever loved. A dumb, drunken twenty minute mistake was going to cost her the happiness she knew she’d have had for the rest of her life, and it was eating her up inside. 

She stood in the bathroom off of Zac’s room, washing and re-washing her hands, prolonging the inevitable. She didn’t know how to be alone with him at that moment, she didn’t even really know how to look at him. When she finally came out, he smiled at her from where he was lying in the bed, the blanket pulled halfway up his bare chest.

“C’mere,” he held his arm out. “I feel like I’ve barely gotten to talk to you all day.”

She slipped beneath the covers with him, laying on her side to face him. Everything about him was exactly the same, the same boy she’d fallen in love with, planned to spend her life with - while everything inside and about her was changing.

“I’m so happy you’re here,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss her. She let him, opening her mouth for his tongue, relishing in the feeling of his warm lips sliding over hers. She knew that after that night, she’d never know what it felt like to be kissed by him again. 

His hands were moving over her, down to her legs, up underneath the hem of the long t-shirt she was wearing. When his fingers grazed over her panties she sighed, bringing her hand down to grab onto his wrist. 

“What’s wrong?” He breathed into her mouth.

“I need-“ she backed up from him a little, pushing herself into a sitting position. “I need to talk to you.”

“Is everything okay?” He lifted an eyebrow, sitting up with her.

“No,” she shook her head. “No. Nothing is okay, I-“ she pushed her hair back, looking him in the eyes. “I love you,” she whispered. “So much.”

“I love you too. Is this about last month? Look, Nat, I’ve been thinking about it all, and maybe you’re right. Maybe it is time to take the next steps. Maybe it’s time for you to mo-“

“I cheated on you,” she whispered, her eyes trained on his chest. 

“Wh- you…say that again?”

“I’m so sorry,” the tears came again, her eyes meeting his. His face was unreadable, blank, as if he hadn’t heard her, or couldn’t understand her. “I didn’t plan it, and I wish it hadn’t have happened, I was drunk, and hurt, and that’s no excuse-“

“Who is he?”

“Zac, I-“

“ _Who_ is he, Natalie?” Her eyes dropped again, that feeling of her heart being squeezed returning. 

“Taylor,” she whispered, not brave enough to look at him and see what his name did to him. 

Minutes went by with no sound in the room. Everything was eerily quiet, making every second feel like ages. Finally, Natalie felt the bed shift and when she looked up, Zac was standing, pulling a t-shirt on. 

“Where are you-“

“I can’t look at you,” he shook his head, pulling one of the pillows off the bed. “Not right now, I can’t look at you right now.”

“I-“ she stood up, taking a step towards him. “There’s more, Zac, there’s…it’s worse, and I know you’re never going to forgive me but-“

“Worse!? How could it possibly get worse? You slept with _my brother_ , I don’t see what you could say that could poss-“

“I’m pregnant.”

He stopped moving then, his eyes snapping up to hers. His forehead was knotted and he looked like he’d been slapped.

“I-“ he shook his head again, his voice cracking. “You’re pregnant…Taylor- and…you’re-“

“Zac,” she whispered, taking a step towards him. He held a hand up, flinching.

“No, no. You can’t-“ he wiped at a tear with the back of his hand. “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you and you-“ his head was shaking slowly, he was wringing his hands, stepping from one foot to the other. “I was going to marry you. I was going to ask you the day I turn eighteen.”

“Zac,” she said again, her whole body shaking, tears falling faster than she could wipe them away. 

“Don’t, just don’t say anything else,” he grabbed a blanket from the closet and walked to the door, stopping before walking out. “I love you…and I probably will…I don’t know, forever. But, honestly, Natalie? I don’t ever want to look at you again.”

“Zac, I’m sorry, please just stay, we can talk about this.”

“No,” he turned to face her. “There isn’t anything to talk about. You’re…you’re pregnant Natalie, with what will be my _niece or nephew_ , nothing we could say can change that.”

“It was a mistake-“

“How? How did it even- no, you know what? I don’t want to know.”

He wasn’t yelling, he wasn’t screaming. He didn’t even sound angry, just hurt, and Natalie thought it would hurt less if he’d just yell at her, tell her that he hated her. The pain and betrayal in his voice was more than she could take. 

“I-“

“I’m going to sleep in the basement,” he said quietly, looking her in the eye again. “I love you, but this? Us? We’re over.”

She watched as he turned the knob, opened the door. She thought about saying something, trying to stop him, but she knew he was right. They were over, they had to be. There was no coming back from this. 

Maybe it was a nightmare after all, just the kind you actually had to live through.


End file.
